Pickle

Pickle

By Renee Comet (photographer) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Oh how I love my favorite Bulgarian, my dance instructor, Ivan. His language gaffes keep me entertained.

So here’s the story:

Ivan and I are working on our Samba routine. I think we have it completely choreographed but I have yet to dance the entire thing full-out, to music, in sequence, and we are days out from my next competition, people! AHHH!

I will just do what I did for Jive last competition. We had practiced it once, count it once, before Desert Classic and I knew all of three, count ’em, three steps. I did three steps for the entire Jive. So anyways, then with the un-practiced Jive, and now with the un-practiced Samba I’m simply going to give myself a mental pass on that dance, meaning that I will dance it the best I can and that I will be fine no matter if I mess up or how well or poorly we place because the fact of the matter is, we simply do not have the time to really make this routine polished. Heck! We are still working on, improving, and polishing the Rumba and Cha Cha routines and I’ve been dancing those for a few months now!

So I’m not going to be too hard on myself when it comes to performing the Samba this time around. I will be a little more serious about it for my next competition after I’ve had the opportunity to work out the bugs and practice! And yes, I may be in a pickle with this Samba dance at the competition for lack of preparation, but that is not what this post is actually about.

You see, on my last lesson we were working on the Samba and Ivan’s shirt flew up. I saw this big brown june bug on his side. I thought perhaps he had a tatoo on his abdomen or something. I was curious – I know, like it was so important to find out what this brown dot was when I was in the middle of learning a routine I will be dancing in a few days – I don’t pretend that I make any sense when it comes to these things. Well anyways, I had to know. I just did, okay?

So I told Ivan, “Ivan. Pull up your shirt! What is that brown dot on your belly? Do you have a tatoo?”

“No. What you talking about?” He pulled up his shirt to reveal his belly button and I scanned the skin for the mark I’d seen.

It wasn’t nearly as dramatic as I’d thought.

“What you looking at?” He inquired.

“Well, I guess it must have been this.” I pointed at a small brown dot on his side.

“My pickle?”

“What?!”

“My pickle.”

Tears streamed down my face as I gasped for breath between guffaws.

“Ha ha ha, Ivan! No, that is NOT a pickle! A pickle is a very different thing.” (If you know what I mean)

“That’s a freckle.”

Bad Dances? WTF?

This is actually just a short aside…

I get on the floor to dance with Mr. Ivan and he says “We have bad dances.”

“What?” I respond.

“We have bad dances.”

“Okay.  Well, I thought we were doing pretty well here so far.  I’ve felt good.”

“No!  We have BAT dances!”

“Um okay.  Cha cha is starting!”

“Shit!” I think.  It’s been such a fun and relaxed and good competition from my perspective.  Why is my instructor now telling me I did poorly?!  I feel like this is the best we have done so far.  GRRRR!  But guess what?  We have to dance.  Suck it up and make it work.  Go!

We have this conversation in the 20 seconds prior to a dance round.

“Oh, I sorry!  Bat (or as my American ears hear it “Bad”) means 5 in Bulgarian.”

My internal dialogue:  Shit?! Really?!  You stinking bastard?!?  Are you kidding me?!  Really?  You actually now just did this to me!  You knew “very well” – a phrase you utilize often with me – you knew “very well” what Bat or Bad or whatever sounds like in freakin’ English…you knew very well it means bad, poor, not good…  You suck!  Hardcore.  Bat?!  Bad?!  WTH?!?!?!

On the outside, however, I graciously say, “Oh!  Thanks for explaining that.  We have 5 dances in a row.  Great!  I am so happy that I get to dance them with you!

AHHHHH!

LOLOLOL.

Can you relate?  Please share!!!